Has anyone seen my patience??

Because I think I lost it somewhere between Kansas City and Maryland...

I had a lovely blog post in mind for this morning when I went to bed last night about how lucky I am to be receiving the level of care and professionalism that is being given to me here at the NIH Clinical Center.  After a long Friday of tests and talking with Dr's, Nurses, Techs and medical staff of all sorts, I am even more thankful to be here if that is possible.  But, knowing me, sometimes I wake up on a different side of the bed and this morning it was the impatient one...

Every now and again I get overwhelmed by the desire for this whole nightmare to be over.  And I mean overwhelmed.  I want to get back to my life, my body, my activities, my happiness - all the things I worked so hard to cultivate and nurture in my life. The last year and a half has been dominated by medical issues, pain and limitation and quite frankly I'm tired of it.  Yes, you heard me.  I'm tired of it.  I'm human, so there it is. 

Monday's surgery is the light at the end of the tunnel.  No matter if they find the little bugger in my pituitary that is causing the Cushings or not, I will be on the road, some road, to recovery.  If they don't come up with a tumor, we opt for a medication based solution.  If a tumor is found, they get rid of it and we start getting my system back to normal from there.  Either way, I'm on the road to somewhere as opposed to where I've been for most of 2010 - in the breakdown lane on the medical highway to nowhere.  Funny thing about a light at the end of a tunnel though.  It makes you want to pick up the pace to get there quicker.  Sprint to the finish if you will.  And yet the clock knows nothing of sprinting and pace.  It knows only the same click of seconds, minutes and hours, and no amount of wishing makes it go any faster.

So this weekend is all about patience and not watching the clock.  I want Monday to get here NOW, but that just ain't gonna happen.  So I will amuse myself as much as I can, read, walk, nap, and bide my time as it passes.  But truth be told, I'm tired of being patient, I'm tired of waiting, and I'm tired of being tired.  In case you thought I was handling my Cushings like a Saintly figure, rest assured I have my moments.  Rest assured I am human.  Rest assured I am still the Princess that you all know!