I think we all have a love/hate relationship with stuff. Our Laissez Faire, "whoever dies with the most stuff wins", "greed is good", inner Ivan Boeski's drive us to accumulate even though our Real Simple, "you can't take it with you", "less is more", inner Amish tells us to purge. I am famous (or maybe infamous...) for yelling at the TV while watching my favorite HGTV and Hoarding shows "you don't need more storage! You need less CRAP!" So when I found myself in the storage aisle in WalMart looking for additional plastic storage tubs to put stuff in our basement, I had to take a serious look in the mirror and remind myself that maybe I don't need additional places to put my stuff, I need less stuff. Let the purging begin!
How do I find myself with 6 extra bed pillows? And more importantly, how did I forget I had them? I found the mysteriously multiplying pillows in the tubs in the basement when I decided to see if I could free up some space in the bins I already had rather than buying new ones. How many extra pillows does one household need? Apparently not 6. And viola, an empty bin was created. But the bed-stuff safari had begun and I couldn't stop there. I pulled out a binkie for a twin bed. I haven't had a twin bed since college. Sheets for a double bed. I haven't had a double bed since before I was married...IN 1993! Miscellaneous pillow cases were also in there, but I'll give myself those since I had all the pillows which, of course, needed cases. So in one afternoon I created storage, saved money, and made a huge pile to go to charity. Well played if I do say so myself.
But this stuff obsession we all have, while lessened during the ongoing economic downturn, still drives us all to forget what's important. Every purchase and/or acquisition is a choice. An item or expenditure chosen to be more important than something else. And for what? What does all the stuff get us except more stuff and less space in our minds, closets and basements? What does it add to our lives? It's probably easier to ask "what does it take away from our lives?" It takes away the need to deal with an issue that is bugging us. It takes away the ease of a simple clutter free life. It takes away the focus we could be making on things that matter more. And it requires dusting. And seriously, who wants to dust?
I guess my point here is that life isn't about stuff. Where to put it and how to clean it. Life is about the little things that happen around us every day. Nothing you can accumulate takes the place of the joy in seeing a beautiful sunset. Or cheering on the accomplishment of another. Or smiling at a stranger and seeing them smile back. WalMart doesn't sell that stuff. Being a valuable and happy human being comes from within, not from the points on your credit card. Or from the number of bed pillows you accumulate.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Spring has sprung...
Spring is here in all it's glory. The Easter bunny has come and gone leaving foil wrapped chocolate happiness in his wake. Flowers are blooming, the grass is green, people are working in their yards and there is a sense of excitement and renewal in the air. I love the spring.
I thought I might feel different about spring this year given we had no winter to speak of. We haven't had our heat turned on in months now (US natural gas surplus? You're welcome...). But it must just be a calendar driven thing. The feeling that everything is new again comes each year whether we expect it or not. Or maybe it has something to do with the sound of lawn mowers and weed whackers in the neighborhood. Renewal must be mowed...
I'm feeling ready to make a mad dash into spring. I've gotten caught up since 2012 started on things I've let slide over the past couple of years, and am having relatively good results in my efforts to make changes in my life based on what Cushing's has taught me. I'm working at easing up on myself. Seeing the good in every day and not falling back into life patterns that do not include appreciating the things I have. Drama doesn't interest me the way it used to. I was never into reality shows, but they are even more ridiculous to me than they were before...and I didn't think that was possible. Life is too short for drama. It doesn't matter. It doesn't bring anything to any one's life and on no one's deathbed will they utter the words "I wish I'd had more drama". Our goal should be to make each day the best day ever and to change the things that keep that from happening.
We all have the choice of how to react to things. We have the choice of what to say and how to feel. Yes, how to feel. You do not have to accept the initial response you have. We can talk ourselves down and bring reason in. It may take a while, but it's possible. I've had to do it alot over the past couple of years, and it's making it easier to deal with things now. It's hard to get my knickers in a knot over a line at the post office when I've had to be OK with a medical condition I never expected and that has no foreseeable end. Perhaps it's what I needed to adjust my type A tendencies. The Universe is funny that way.
So go forth and adjust your thinking in the name of Spring. Contemplate life while mowing the grass. Snip some flowers to enjoy inside instead of just walking by them every day. Smile for no reason. And live life as drama free as possible. Do it for me!
I thought I might feel different about spring this year given we had no winter to speak of. We haven't had our heat turned on in months now (US natural gas surplus? You're welcome...). But it must just be a calendar driven thing. The feeling that everything is new again comes each year whether we expect it or not. Or maybe it has something to do with the sound of lawn mowers and weed whackers in the neighborhood. Renewal must be mowed...
I'm feeling ready to make a mad dash into spring. I've gotten caught up since 2012 started on things I've let slide over the past couple of years, and am having relatively good results in my efforts to make changes in my life based on what Cushing's has taught me. I'm working at easing up on myself. Seeing the good in every day and not falling back into life patterns that do not include appreciating the things I have. Drama doesn't interest me the way it used to. I was never into reality shows, but they are even more ridiculous to me than they were before...and I didn't think that was possible. Life is too short for drama. It doesn't matter. It doesn't bring anything to any one's life and on no one's deathbed will they utter the words "I wish I'd had more drama". Our goal should be to make each day the best day ever and to change the things that keep that from happening.
We all have the choice of how to react to things. We have the choice of what to say and how to feel. Yes, how to feel. You do not have to accept the initial response you have. We can talk ourselves down and bring reason in. It may take a while, but it's possible. I've had to do it alot over the past couple of years, and it's making it easier to deal with things now. It's hard to get my knickers in a knot over a line at the post office when I've had to be OK with a medical condition I never expected and that has no foreseeable end. Perhaps it's what I needed to adjust my type A tendencies. The Universe is funny that way.
So go forth and adjust your thinking in the name of Spring. Contemplate life while mowing the grass. Snip some flowers to enjoy inside instead of just walking by them every day. Smile for no reason. And live life as drama free as possible. Do it for me!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Inspiration - don't be a stranger!
In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been the most prolific blogger of late. It seems that my last several posts promise an effort to change that situation, and yet the follow through never materializes. I'm not a professional writer. I have not trained myself to write whether or not the mood strikes. And the mood has not striked...struck...whatever...
My blog posts are drawn from inspiration that I find. Inspiration to do, to be, to NOT do or be. Something. Anything. Even if it's just the inspiration to get through the day. And to be honest, inspiration has been a bit hard to come by lately. I've just been on auto pilot taking my pills, working out, completing my to do list, peeing in my jug and going to my doctors appointments. Just keep on keeping on. Putting one foot in front of the other doesn't a gripping blog post make. So the days pass waiting for that inspiration to strike and lamenting the fact that it doesn't.
But inspiration doesn't come from outside, it comes from inside. We make our own inspiration. Even if you think that something you see gives you inspiration, I am here to tell you you're wrong. It's what you do with that sight that is the inspiration. It's how you react to the world around you that forms your being, not the world itself. So basically I came, yet again, to the realization that if I wanted to be inspired I had to do nothing but open my eyes and mind and let it flood over me.
Now that sounds pretty Pollyanna-ish. Or perhaps, it sounds like it's so easy. Don't get me wrong. If it were easy we'd all be skipping around singing with smiles on our faces looking for rainbows and unicorns. Life don't work that way! At least mine doesn't. But when you're feeling uninspired, if you concentrate on looking for things that make you feel lucky, or happy, or just take you out of your problems for a little while, you cannot help but find the inspiration for which you search.
The weather here in the mid-west has been unseasonably good. We haven't had winter, we've just had pre-spring. And all the while I've been uncomfortable with this turn of events because I've been waiting for winter to hit and hit hard. But I love being outside. I love the feel of the sun on my face and the trees and the people out walking their dogs in the park. Instead of looking at the weather as a way to happily enjoy some of my favorite things, I'm thinking that every sunny day now is a day the snow and ice will fly in June! Inspiration is in front of me waving it's hands screaming "look at me!" and I keep turning the other way! Duh! That little gem hit me over the head as I pulled on my running shorts and shoes this morning and headed to the park. Yes, I am a little slow...
But the Universe wasn't done dropping the obvious in my lap. As I jogged around the park feeling that my legs were made of cement instead of flesh and blood, I caught sight of a couple getting out of their car. They had coffees and each had a pastry of some sort and they were walking slowly over the jogging path toward the center of the park. As I got closer I realized that she was bald; and not "bald as a style choice" given the way she was dressed in shorts and a sweatshirt. He had the hovering mannerisms of someone who is trying to act normal while making sure nothing happens to her. I know that dynamic. I've lived it. I jogged by them knowing that I have come so far. Not as far as I want to, not as far as I need to. But I am upright, moving forward, relatively stable on medication and I have hair.
Every now and again we all need a reset. We need to get back to the important things we have in our lives not the things we wish we had. Inspiration is everywhere. We just have to look.
My blog posts are drawn from inspiration that I find. Inspiration to do, to be, to NOT do or be. Something. Anything. Even if it's just the inspiration to get through the day. And to be honest, inspiration has been a bit hard to come by lately. I've just been on auto pilot taking my pills, working out, completing my to do list, peeing in my jug and going to my doctors appointments. Just keep on keeping on. Putting one foot in front of the other doesn't a gripping blog post make. So the days pass waiting for that inspiration to strike and lamenting the fact that it doesn't.
But inspiration doesn't come from outside, it comes from inside. We make our own inspiration. Even if you think that something you see gives you inspiration, I am here to tell you you're wrong. It's what you do with that sight that is the inspiration. It's how you react to the world around you that forms your being, not the world itself. So basically I came, yet again, to the realization that if I wanted to be inspired I had to do nothing but open my eyes and mind and let it flood over me.
Now that sounds pretty Pollyanna-ish. Or perhaps, it sounds like it's so easy. Don't get me wrong. If it were easy we'd all be skipping around singing with smiles on our faces looking for rainbows and unicorns. Life don't work that way! At least mine doesn't. But when you're feeling uninspired, if you concentrate on looking for things that make you feel lucky, or happy, or just take you out of your problems for a little while, you cannot help but find the inspiration for which you search.
The weather here in the mid-west has been unseasonably good. We haven't had winter, we've just had pre-spring. And all the while I've been uncomfortable with this turn of events because I've been waiting for winter to hit and hit hard. But I love being outside. I love the feel of the sun on my face and the trees and the people out walking their dogs in the park. Instead of looking at the weather as a way to happily enjoy some of my favorite things, I'm thinking that every sunny day now is a day the snow and ice will fly in June! Inspiration is in front of me waving it's hands screaming "look at me!" and I keep turning the other way! Duh! That little gem hit me over the head as I pulled on my running shorts and shoes this morning and headed to the park. Yes, I am a little slow...
But the Universe wasn't done dropping the obvious in my lap. As I jogged around the park feeling that my legs were made of cement instead of flesh and blood, I caught sight of a couple getting out of their car. They had coffees and each had a pastry of some sort and they were walking slowly over the jogging path toward the center of the park. As I got closer I realized that she was bald; and not "bald as a style choice" given the way she was dressed in shorts and a sweatshirt. He had the hovering mannerisms of someone who is trying to act normal while making sure nothing happens to her. I know that dynamic. I've lived it. I jogged by them knowing that I have come so far. Not as far as I want to, not as far as I need to. But I am upright, moving forward, relatively stable on medication and I have hair.
Every now and again we all need a reset. We need to get back to the important things we have in our lives not the things we wish we had. Inspiration is everywhere. We just have to look.
Monday, January 23, 2012
So how's that resolution coming?
I don't make New Year's resolutions as a rule. Too much pressure. I figure if I need to change something in my life, or more importantly, if I want to change something in my life, today is the day to start. Whether a new year is beginning or not is totally irrelevant. Besides, if you make New Year's resolutions, somehow that makes it easier to let yourself off the hook than if you make a resolution to make positive changes in your life. But that's just me...
With that being said, I have made a commitment in 2012 to get my life back into balance. How is that not a New Year's resolution? Because I said so. All you parents out there can follow my logic. Anyhoo, for the last two years my life has revolved around being sick, dealing, living, and maintaining with Cushing's. Everything in my life has been seen through the spectre of Cushing's. 2012, for me, is the time to get back to my life. Which includes Cushing's, but it also includes alot of other things that, quite frankly, I enjoy much more than being sick with a weird "syndrome" that most people have never heard of.
I have to be honest. Balance is something I have always struggled with in my life. If it wasn't Cushing's it would have probably been something else I focused on to the detriment of everything else in my life. But, being the lucky girl I am, Cushing's has allowed me to really understand the importance of balance even in the face of overwhelming and sometimes crushing adversity. Without balance you can't ever get away from the thing that you need to get away from in order to maintain your sanity. Without balance you can't feel the joy that life in the big picture brings. Without balance you can't truly appreciate the fact that you have the privilege of walking on this earth another day.
I'm teaching myself how to knit. I have always wanted to learn how to knit since I was a kid. I have no idea why. It probably had something to do with the shiny needles that came in fun colors. Now that I am actually knitting, and doing it badly I might add, it makes me so happy. Not because I'm going to be able to make elaborate projects. I'll probably never progress past the scarf. But because it's something I've always wanted to do and I finally did it. Knitting does not bring a zen calm over me when I'm doing it, it's just fun. And the way I look at it, we all need something that is just fun to balance out all the things we have to do as adults functioning in society that are not fun.
I'm also trying to lay out my days without quite so much pressure. I always worry about getting in my errands, workouts, work and "me" time smashed into the day. Oh, and meals. I've never been good at understanding that I can move something to tomorrow. Or next week. If I usually go to the grocery store on Monday, I MUST always go on Monday. Why? Will the world go off it's axis if I go on Tuesday? Or, God forbid, Wednesday? No, no and NO. I'm working on mixing it up and being ok with that. It's the being ok that's the hard part. In the meantime, I'll knit scarves...lots of scarves...
Am I making these changes because of the new year? Not really. My last trip to NIH got the ball rolling and it happened to be at the end of last month. The beginning of this month was a new year. But more importantly getting my life back in balance is something I needed to do, but couldn't really do until I knew that my Cushing's was relatively under control. Sadly not cured, but under control for now. So the opportunity to put Cushing's on the back burner presented itself and I knew it was time to grab it. I still have alarms going off at all hours of the day and night reminding me to take meds, and I still take my weight and blood pressure every day and note it in my log. But my goal is to make my day revolve around other things and have the Cushing's tasks exist among them not the other way around. Get back to me in December and we'll see how I did.
With that being said, I have made a commitment in 2012 to get my life back into balance. How is that not a New Year's resolution? Because I said so. All you parents out there can follow my logic. Anyhoo, for the last two years my life has revolved around being sick, dealing, living, and maintaining with Cushing's. Everything in my life has been seen through the spectre of Cushing's. 2012, for me, is the time to get back to my life. Which includes Cushing's, but it also includes alot of other things that, quite frankly, I enjoy much more than being sick with a weird "syndrome" that most people have never heard of.
I have to be honest. Balance is something I have always struggled with in my life. If it wasn't Cushing's it would have probably been something else I focused on to the detriment of everything else in my life. But, being the lucky girl I am, Cushing's has allowed me to really understand the importance of balance even in the face of overwhelming and sometimes crushing adversity. Without balance you can't ever get away from the thing that you need to get away from in order to maintain your sanity. Without balance you can't feel the joy that life in the big picture brings. Without balance you can't truly appreciate the fact that you have the privilege of walking on this earth another day.
I'm teaching myself how to knit. I have always wanted to learn how to knit since I was a kid. I have no idea why. It probably had something to do with the shiny needles that came in fun colors. Now that I am actually knitting, and doing it badly I might add, it makes me so happy. Not because I'm going to be able to make elaborate projects. I'll probably never progress past the scarf. But because it's something I've always wanted to do and I finally did it. Knitting does not bring a zen calm over me when I'm doing it, it's just fun. And the way I look at it, we all need something that is just fun to balance out all the things we have to do as adults functioning in society that are not fun.
I'm also trying to lay out my days without quite so much pressure. I always worry about getting in my errands, workouts, work and "me" time smashed into the day. Oh, and meals. I've never been good at understanding that I can move something to tomorrow. Or next week. If I usually go to the grocery store on Monday, I MUST always go on Monday. Why? Will the world go off it's axis if I go on Tuesday? Or, God forbid, Wednesday? No, no and NO. I'm working on mixing it up and being ok with that. It's the being ok that's the hard part. In the meantime, I'll knit scarves...lots of scarves...
Am I making these changes because of the new year? Not really. My last trip to NIH got the ball rolling and it happened to be at the end of last month. The beginning of this month was a new year. But more importantly getting my life back in balance is something I needed to do, but couldn't really do until I knew that my Cushing's was relatively under control. Sadly not cured, but under control for now. So the opportunity to put Cushing's on the back burner presented itself and I knew it was time to grab it. I still have alarms going off at all hours of the day and night reminding me to take meds, and I still take my weight and blood pressure every day and note it in my log. But my goal is to make my day revolve around other things and have the Cushing's tasks exist among them not the other way around. Get back to me in December and we'll see how I did.
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