It's New Year's Day. The one day each year that we reflect on the past year just long enough to make a list of things we need to do, or do differently, in the new year. Mix a dash of bad habits and a cup of ridiculous expectations and you have the framework of your new year's resolutions. Most people put more thought into their list of resolutions than they do in how to achieve them. But no bother, once the list is made, the pressure is off of setting the tone for the year. Once the list is made you can wash your hands for another year of thinking about the future and the path you want to take to get there.
What a joy it would be if my new year's resolutions were as simple as lose 10 pounds, or read more books, or volunteer more. But they aren't. Right now all I can come up with is to deal with my Cushings
with as much humor and patience as I can. Everything else that I want to do or have in 2011 depends on me keeping that resolution. And after a year of trying to do just that, my attitude is wearing thin.
I'm tired. Not only physically tired, but mentally tired. Tired of thinking that my Cushings will be over soon and it isn't. Tired of thinking I'll have my old life back soon and I won't. Tired of having my life revolve 24/7 around medical issues and it does. How can I possibly get back to my perky, glass half full, I'm a lucky girl attitude that I seem to have lost over the last month or two. I never had to work at it before but now it takes effort that I don't always have.
My resolution to have humor and patience is going to require a mental reset - an emptying of the trash bin of negativity if you will. I don't quite know how to do that, but I'm willing myself to learn. And soon, my attitude will come back. In the meantime, maybe I should read more books...
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