Jack LaLanne much?

OK, I admit it.  I haven't yet begun the physical therapy for my back.  Actually it'll be more for my leg that is controlled by the nerve that was being pinched in my back, but why split hairs?  I haven't got off my ass to make the arrangements for physical therapy.  "That doesn't seem like Carol" you may be thinking.  After all, I love to work out.  Go to the gym.  Sweat up a storm.  It makes me feel good.  And I had a great result from the physical therapy I did after my hip replacement.  But in this case I've been conveniently avoiding it like the plague.

I don't usually want to bring you, my faithful readers, into the mind of the Princess.  It's a weird place not to be entered by the faint of heart.  I am going to make an exception here, however, given my need for a little extra moral support.  Don't forget, it's all about the Princess...

When I look at rehab now, it's a daunting thing.  I'm not coming back from 0 this time.  This time I'm coming back from -100. I'm going to have to work for months just to get up to 0.  My quads and leg muscles are incredibly weak right now.  And the hip muscles in my left leg, the one using the squished nerve in my back, are practically non-existent.  To do rehab on one requires use of the others.   I'm just not sure I can do it.

Now I realize that this is a ridiculous thought.  I can do anything.  It may take a long time, and I might be really bad at it, but nothing is impossible.  To think it is is just being negative.  But that's all a judgement on physical ability.  I've never been confronted with the mental up hill battle that is now in front of me.  How do you keep yourself going when just moving is hard.  Let alone working those muscles that move you.  None of us love to do things that are hard and that hurt where the prospect of accomplishing the goal is so far off in the distance you've forgotten what it looks like. 

Last week at NIH, I met with the physical therapist  to get a few exercises I could do on my own until I can get physical therapy here in KC set up.  It's horrifying and embarrassing just how weak I am.  I did the exercises today and they wore me out.  I know we all have to start somewhere, and any movement is good movement.  But I saw exactly what -100 means.  I've got a steep hill to climb.

Tomorrow I will call the physical therapy place and get set up.  I won't like it, but I can't not do it just because of that.  I guess when you're at the bottom of the hill, there's no choice but to start climbing.