What do you do when you don't want to get out of bed in the morning? I don't mean hit the snooze button, pull the covers over your head, call in sick to work, not wanting to get out of bed. I mean "I don't want to partake in life today" not wanting to get out of bed.
Every morning I go through a conversation in my head as I lay in my warm bed snuggling with Erin and Alvin. I don't want to get up and start a day that is going to be like yesterday and many days before. I don't want to live another day with a body that isn't my own. Muscles that are sore all the time. Legs that don't do what I want and need them to do. Taking a shower is an exhausting task. Getting in and out of pants, and getting dressed in general, is so hard. Just try getting in and out of the car with legs that are so weak you have to lift them up manually. Walking is still hard as the nerve in my left leg recovers. Blah, blah, blah.
And yet, I still get up. I still shower. I still dress. I still drive and do my errands. I still walk. And I hate it. It hurts and it's hard. I'd rather just stay in bed all day where nothing hurts and it doesn't make me so tired I feel nauseous. I just keep thinking that maybe today my nightmare will be over. Maybe today I'll feel normal. Maybe today I won't have to find a reason to get out of bed.
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