I love getting Christmas cards. Even if it's the only time I hear from people, Christmas cards are the best. I usually get a picture of the family, and if I'm really lucky, a letter with a synopsis of what everyone has done through the year. Christmas cards allow me, from afar, to see what my friends and their kids look like and what they've been up to. I eagerly open every card to see what is inside and feel a twinge of disappointment if there is no picture and no letter. But I'm finding this year my reaction is a little different.
This year when I look at the smiling faces on the cards, and read about all the activities the senders are participating in, I'm not only excited and interested, but a little envious. Even if the update is about coaching little league, PTA meetings, and work. When I look back at 2010, I've got nothing but dealing with medical issues. No gym, no triathlons, no vacations, no home improvement projects - none of the things I love to do. Just an ever expanding nightmare of doctors, tests, scans and ultimately no end in sight.
I'd like to be one of those people you see on Oprah that explain how a horrific tragedy in their life turned out to be the most positive thing ever. And I may get there, but not quite yet. That doesn't mean I don't recognize how very fortunate I am. I have insurance, awesome doctors in Kansas City and Bethesda, a husband who is the most awesome husband on the face of the planet, and friends and family that offer support and love without hesitation. Yes, I am a very lucky girl, but my medical situation sucks big time.
Everyone has some cross they have to bear on any given day. Cushings happens to be mine. My number came up, and better me than someone else who wasn't as healthy as I was. But I lost 2010 and I can't get it back. So I will continue to live through the activities of others until my time returns. I don't know when that will be, but that's what keeps life exciting.
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