I may have mentioned it here already (I can't be expected to remember everything I write, can I?) but I'm seriously thinking about taking a mulligan on Christmas this year. I mean, we have our tree up and decorated, and our stockings are hung by the chimney with care, but I'm just not feeling it. Even with every other commercial on TV shilling Christmas gift possibilities, the neighborhood houses being adorned with wreaths, lights and six foot tall candy canes, and holiday cards arriving in the mail.
If you ask me "what do you want for Christmas?", I can't come up with anything. It's not that I don't want or need anything. And I love getting presents as almost as much as I love giving them. But everything seems a little silly and secondary in relation to getting my life and my body back. All I really want is for my Cushings to go away, and I doubt that can fit on the Fat Man's sleigh.
Maybe I'm just worn out. Too tired to muster Christmas cheer. I certainly didn't think I'd still be dealing with Cushings at this point in the year when I was diagnosed WAY back in April. I never assumed that my life would be revolving around doctor appointments, medications and scans either. But I am, and it does, even though I'd give almost anything for that not to be so. It's hard to get around it no matter how much I love a good Christmas carol and cup of nog.
So this Christmas I will take a mulligan. Well, maybe just a partial mulligan. I won't skip Christmas completely - after all, I do have the tree and stockings up. But don't be surprised if you see six foot tall candy canes in our yard next spring.
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