There's a bright golden haze on the meadow...

OK, I have the Oklahoma song running through my head.  But take out "meadow" and insert "front yard" and you've got my day today.

I'm not a huge gardener.  I don't have a black thumb, but I wouldn't necessarily say I have a green thumb either.  But I love having flowers and happy plants around me.  They make me smile.  They look pretty.  For the last two years I haven't been able to work in the yard.  2009 saw me down from hip surgery, and 2010 I was down on the couch with Cushings.  I'm not trying to make up for that lost time; that isn't possible on any front.  But I am having a great time this year working my fingers to the nubbin perking the place up.

Today I finished working in the front yard.  I used annuals in pots this year to add some merry color to the front of the house.  I've never been a fan of annuals.  It seems like such a waste to spend money on something that is just going to bloom this year and be done.  But this year we're celebrating.  Celebrating life, celebrating activity, celebrating nature.  And celebrations need happy flowers whether they're here next year or not!!  Once my roses start to bloom, the whole front of the house will be flower central!  Here's a pic of what we look like right now...

I hauled bags of mulch and potting soil, made several trips to Lowe's, dug holes in soil that hasn't been dug in many, many years, weed-be-gone'd the walk edges and generally spruced up the place.  The sun was out, the humidity was down and the breeze was light.  All in all, it was a fabulous day!

Now I'll start on the back yard.  It's a little more complicated than the front yard.  It's bigger and it's got more stuff going on.  Not to mention that Erin likes to dig holes in which she lays and suns herself.  No plant is safe if it's in a place she wants to lay.  Oh well, I'll just enjoy spending the time outside just like she does...And when I'm done I'll include pictures here.

It's not lost on me how different I am this March than last.  Last year at this time I was just figuring out what was wrong with me and feeling horrible...and it was getting worse by the day.  There was no slinging of mulch bags or even wanting to plant things.  I was too tired and sick.  But this year, thanks to Muffy, I'm back and loving every minute of it while it lasts.  Let's hope it lasts for a while!

Quad sighting!!

As I may have mentioned, I spend alot of time at the gym.  Because I still have so far to go to get back to where I was before Cushing's I don't really focus much on how far I've come.  But today I did.

I put on a pair of workout shorts that I haven't worn in a year and was quite happy about just that.  But then I noticed that I had some noticeable quad muscle going on!  I find it a little ironic that my quads are the first muscle that I find re-emerging when I still have SUCH problems getting down on the floor and back up again with those quads.  Think turtle on it's back, and you've got the picture.  Oh well, I guess my ability to kneel down and rise will come back when I least expect it too.  Be that as it may, quads I now have...again...

I did one of my usual workouts today, heavy on the physical therapy exercises and weight lifting with cardio as warm up and cool down.  Yes it's hard, yes it hurts.  But I'm getting back to that point where the feeling of accomplishment overrides everything else.  That's one of the things that Cushing's took from me - the ability to do things that gave me a feeling of accomplishment.  Of worthiness.  Of enjoyment.  Thanks to Muffy and alot of hard work, I'm getting it back.

Maybe soon I'll post a current picture of myself on this blog.  I'm almost to the point where I'd accept being photographed.  I know that I've learned that whatever I can do, whatever I can be is good enough.  This last year is a testament to that.  But I'm just not quite there yet in my heart.  I just don't feel normal yet.  I don't feel like my old self yet.  If I wait until then we may never see a current picture of me so I'll work on that.

Everyone go forth and accomplish something in my honor.  It really feels good!!

Gym Etiquette

In case I haven't been clear, I've been spending alot of time in the gym lately.  ALOT of time.  This business of getting my body back to something I recognize when I look in the mirror and when I try to move is a tough one.  But every day I slog off to the gym with my bag full of towels and shoes ready to do battle with age, gravity and Cushing's.

When one spends endless hours confined to any environment, one cannot help but pick up on the people around them and what those people are doing, wearing and, to some degree, thinking.  I have my ipod loaded up with my podcasts, show tunes and favorite '80's hair bands, but let's face it.  Even I can't ignore what's going on around me forever.  Therefore, I have compiled some suggestions for you all to make your trips to the gym much more palatable to the people around you.  No need to thank me, it's what I do...

1)If you feel the need to wear a stocking cap, or knit cap of any kind, while working out, please LAUNDER IT!!  Smells linger folks especially when they are borne from the head.  No matter how cool you think it makes you look, the stench negates it.

2)Visible muffin tops mean those pants/shorts are too small.  Just suck it up (as I have done) and go to Target and get the next size up. If you keep working out that muffin top will be gone in no time.
**caveat to point 2 - A bigger shirt that is not clinging to said muffin top also does the trick.

3)Putting as much weight on a machine as is possible for you to lift once doesn't make you look like  a he-man whose muscles are the envy of all in the land.  It makes you look like a hernia waiting to happen.

4)If you're feeling a little loopy, do NOT use the treadmill.  Nothing says "someone call 911" like a body shooting off the back of a treadmill...not that I'd know anything about that...

5)Do not perch on machines while yacking to your friend, on your phone (why are you on the phone at the gym anyway?), or just trying to avoid having a stroke.  Someone else may want to actually use the machine you are hogging.  Move it or be ready to watch that cell phone get heaved across the room.
**caveat to point 5 - This does not apply to Christy or Robin who must be available to text me at all times...

6)The gym is not a fashion show, it's where you go to sweat.  If you were supposed to look like a model it would be called a "runway".  This doesn't mean that we can't wear cute little outfits that we feel good in and motivate us to give 110% to our workout.  It just means that if you are worried about your hair or make up while working out you're doing it wrong.

7)The gym may not be a fashion show, but it's not the place to wear the t-shirt with more holes than fabric or the shorts that you used to wear in 7th grade P.E. class.  Use common sense here people!

8)Chronic Bed-Head has a place at the gym, and that place is UNDER A HAT!  (see point 1 if that hat is of the knit variety.)  No one wants to imagine that 15 minutes ago you were just rolling out of bed and onto the rowing machine.

I hope we've all learned something here today.  Please feel free to pass along any of this info to those in need...

Home Sweet Red Bluff

I spent last week at my parent's house in Red Bluff CA.  It was supposed to be a week doing work around the outside of the house...the weather felt otherwise.

It poured there all week.  It was pouring all the week before, I just wasn't there to see it.  I even think it was pouring the week before that.  It's a trend.  If you aren't from CA, you don't know that this is rare.  Those of us who grew up in the state learned the word "drought" right after "mama" and "dada".  I must admit the hillsides are green and beautiful, but the stream beds that have long been exposed and dry are now running with brown water that is not at all attractive.

So instead of  outdoor work, we attacked an indoor to do list as the wind howled and the rain fell.  Drawers now have knobs, shower heads are now devoid of their mineral gunk build up, and lots of other equally exciting things got accomplished.  We even took a short road trip up to Redding to go to JoAnn's fabrics and Trader Joes.  mmmmmm....Trader Joes...Can't wait until later this year when one opens by us....but I digress...

The last time I was out visiting my parents was in August 2010 before I made my first trip to NIH in September.  I wasn't in very good shape.  I was exhausted, I had gained alot of weight in my face and upper body, I wasn't moving well, my hair had fallen out yet again, and I was starting to show the strain of 6 months of having something very very wrong with my body and no answers on how to make it better.  So now that Muffy is working it's magic and I'm looking and feeling more normal, mom and dad are feeling much better about their baby girl.  Sometimes you have to see it for yourself to know that things are ok.



   

What's in a size?

You might think, from reading this blog over the past few weeks, that I am obsessed with what size I am.  I suppose that's true, but probably not for the reasons you think.

Getting back to a familiar size to me, whether it's a 12 or a 10, is just another step in my journey to get back to normal.  I can wear my clothes again, my body looks like my body again.  I'd love to be a skinny-mini, but I stopped aspiring to that a long time ago.  Genetically that's not in my cards, and I like to eat.  Might as well let go of the dream of being a size 6 - it ain't never going to happen.  I just wanted to get back to where I was before Cushings.  I was a 10, but a 12 will do for now. 

I used to think that 12 was chunky.  I always wanted to be smaller.  If I could just lose a few more pounds.  But boy has my outlook changed.  12 is awesome!  12 is run naked through the grocery store awesome!  Clothes fit.  I'm not constantly pulling on something to get it not to cling on something else that's bigger than it should be.  As I started gaining weight at the beginning of my Cushing's saga, I bought some size 12's that I've now shrunken back into.  It's like having new clothes! 

Let's be honest though.  Clothes are important, even necessary, but not the beat all end all judge of how healthy and fabulous you are.  Aside from my screaming joints and muscles, I feel good.  Almost normal.  I can workout and get my chores and errands done.  My weight and size really is just a reflection of getting the Cushing's under control and being on the road to having my health back.  And, like I said, that's run through the grocery store naked awesome.

Bottom line is that while I have about 10 pounds left to lose to get to where I want my weight to be, I've already gotten to fabulous.  I've already gotten to normal.  I've already gotten to me. 

I'm wearing size 12 pants!!!

One more size to go!

And yes, I am wearing my wedding rings!

It was a good week...

Hellooooo? Anybody home?????

Greetings from rainy Kansas City.  I hope I didn't worry any of you by being silent for a while here.  I just couldn't find anything to say.  I know, not like me.  I can usually comment on anything at any time.  But sadly not in the last week or so.  The good news is that there hasn't been any epic medical updates/setbacks, no ironic stories to tell, nothing bad really...except for the weather, but that's not for this blog...

Big news this morning was fitting into one of my old sports bras!   Yee ha!  And a men's size Large t-shirt!  The excitement never ends!  I have a few more pounds to go before I bring my old clothes up from the basement.  I can't even remember what I have anymore - it's been so long since I've seen what's in those plastic bins.  I suppose that just makes everything seem new!  No need to go shopping for a few years now.

I have also had a bit of good news.  I'm not going back to Bethesda until May.  I was going to make a trip in April too, but that got cancelled.  I'm trying not to take it personally!  I'm sure they still love me.  But the extra round of test results isn't needed so I'm home free until May.  While I'm there in May I'll have the added bonus of re-scanning to find the little rogue tumor that is still in me somewhere and wreaking havoc on my system.  This means that I'll probably not have the usual, well oiled, two day stay, and will be spending a good amount of time in the big tube sleeping while being scanned from head to toe.  It doesn't matter to me as long as there is a chance of finding the little bugger.

I'm feeling quite good these days.  My body aches in indescribable ways, but I just keep going.  This too shall pass.  I think this is the situation for which the phrase was invented.  Physical therapy is going well, and I continue to alternate days with those exercises and cardio at the gym.  One day I'll wake up pain free and with the strength and stamina of the old days.  Cuz that's how it happens, right???  Or is that only in my dreams....