In case I haven't been clear, I've been spending alot of time in the gym lately. ALOT of time. This business of getting my body back to something I recognize when I look in the mirror and when I try to move is a tough one. But every day I slog off to the gym with my bag full of towels and shoes ready to do battle with age, gravity and Cushing's.
When one spends endless hours confined to any environment, one cannot help but pick up on the people around them and what those people are doing, wearing and, to some degree, thinking. I have my ipod loaded up with my podcasts, show tunes and favorite '80's hair bands, but let's face it. Even I can't ignore what's going on around me forever. Therefore, I have compiled some suggestions for you all to make your trips to the gym much more palatable to the people around you. No need to thank me, it's what I do...
1)If you feel the need to wear a stocking cap, or knit cap of any kind, while working out, please LAUNDER IT!! Smells linger folks especially when they are borne from the head. No matter how cool you think it makes you look, the stench negates it.
2)Visible muffin tops mean those pants/shorts are too small. Just suck it up (as I have done) and go to Target and get the next size up. If you keep working out that muffin top will be gone in no time.
**caveat to point 2 - A bigger shirt that is not clinging to said muffin top also does the trick.
3)Putting as much weight on a machine as is possible for you to lift once doesn't make you look like a he-man whose muscles are the envy of all in the land. It makes you look like a hernia waiting to happen.
4)If you're feeling a little loopy, do NOT use the treadmill. Nothing says "someone call 911" like a body shooting off the back of a treadmill...not that I'd know anything about that...
5)Do not perch on machines while yacking to your friend, on your phone (why are you on the phone at the gym anyway?), or just trying to avoid having a stroke. Someone else may want to actually use the machine you are hogging. Move it or be ready to watch that cell phone get heaved across the room.
**caveat to point 5 - This does not apply to Christy or Robin who must be available to text me at all times...
6)The gym is not a fashion show, it's where you go to sweat. If you were supposed to look like a model it would be called a "runway". This doesn't mean that we can't wear cute little outfits that we feel good in and motivate us to give 110% to our workout. It just means that if you are worried about your hair or make up while working out you're doing it wrong.
7)The gym may not be a fashion show, but it's not the place to wear the t-shirt with more holes than fabric or the shorts that you used to wear in 7th grade P.E. class. Use common sense here people!
8)Chronic Bed-Head has a place at the gym, and that place is UNDER A HAT! (see point 1 if that hat is of the knit variety.) No one wants to imagine that 15 minutes ago you were just rolling out of bed and onto the rowing machine.
I hope we've all learned something here today. Please feel free to pass along any of this info to those in need...
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