What not to do when you go to the hospital

A while back I imparted my wisdom on gym etiquette and how to maintain a modicum of dignity during visits to your favorite exercise venue.  I will now extend my ever vigilant helping hands to your next visit to the hospital of your choice.  Either as a visitor or a patient.  I seem to have more experience in this department recently than I'd like, and I need to use that experience for good not evil...

Do not approach the nurses station looking for the cardiac care unit carrying a 12 pack of tacos from Taco Bell.  I don't care if they are your Uncle's favorite.  Just don't do it.

Nurses have, indeed, seen everything.  Your (fill in the blank) isn't special, one of a kind, or even  particularly interesting.  Get over yourself.

Do what they tell you.  Just do it and shut up about it.

Do not invite children to accompany your visitors or bring them to visit a patient.  In fact, straight out tell them to leave the little ones at home.  Or in the car.  Or in Cleveland.  They may be sweet, but they are stresses.  For you, for who you are visiting and for everyone else on the floor of the hospital.  Sorry, but it's true.

Hair gets messy when it's been lying in a hospital bed.  Teeth are grimy.  You feel like you've been run over by a truck and left there in an unattractive gown by the side of the road to wait until you feel human enough do something about it.  And no one who comes to see you cares.  They want to know you're OK, that you're alive and that maybe they can make you smile and feel better for a minute or two.  Let them.  Worry about your breath and your bed head another time.

Contrary to popular belief, a Hospital is not called a Spa for a reason.  It isn't one!  The staff is not waiting on you, they are taking care of your medical needs.  And no matter what it seems like, they are doing the best they can.  Cut them some slack even though you do feel like a great big ball of poopy.

Smile.  Whether you're visiting or a patient, someone is in worse shape than you.  Appreciate what you have don't wallow in what you don't. 

That is all.  I will be solving world hunger and the Greek debt crisis as my next acts of humanitarianism.  Stay tuned...