Home Sweet Red Bluff

I spent last week at my parent's house in Red Bluff CA.  It was supposed to be a week doing work around the outside of the house...the weather felt otherwise.

It poured there all week.  It was pouring all the week before, I just wasn't there to see it.  I even think it was pouring the week before that.  It's a trend.  If you aren't from CA, you don't know that this is rare.  Those of us who grew up in the state learned the word "drought" right after "mama" and "dada".  I must admit the hillsides are green and beautiful, but the stream beds that have long been exposed and dry are now running with brown water that is not at all attractive.

So instead of  outdoor work, we attacked an indoor to do list as the wind howled and the rain fell.  Drawers now have knobs, shower heads are now devoid of their mineral gunk build up, and lots of other equally exciting things got accomplished.  We even took a short road trip up to Redding to go to JoAnn's fabrics and Trader Joes.  mmmmmm....Trader Joes...Can't wait until later this year when one opens by us....but I digress...

The last time I was out visiting my parents was in August 2010 before I made my first trip to NIH in September.  I wasn't in very good shape.  I was exhausted, I had gained alot of weight in my face and upper body, I wasn't moving well, my hair had fallen out yet again, and I was starting to show the strain of 6 months of having something very very wrong with my body and no answers on how to make it better.  So now that Muffy is working it's magic and I'm looking and feeling more normal, mom and dad are feeling much better about their baby girl.  Sometimes you have to see it for yourself to know that things are ok.



   

What's in a size?

You might think, from reading this blog over the past few weeks, that I am obsessed with what size I am.  I suppose that's true, but probably not for the reasons you think.

Getting back to a familiar size to me, whether it's a 12 or a 10, is just another step in my journey to get back to normal.  I can wear my clothes again, my body looks like my body again.  I'd love to be a skinny-mini, but I stopped aspiring to that a long time ago.  Genetically that's not in my cards, and I like to eat.  Might as well let go of the dream of being a size 6 - it ain't never going to happen.  I just wanted to get back to where I was before Cushings.  I was a 10, but a 12 will do for now. 

I used to think that 12 was chunky.  I always wanted to be smaller.  If I could just lose a few more pounds.  But boy has my outlook changed.  12 is awesome!  12 is run naked through the grocery store awesome!  Clothes fit.  I'm not constantly pulling on something to get it not to cling on something else that's bigger than it should be.  As I started gaining weight at the beginning of my Cushing's saga, I bought some size 12's that I've now shrunken back into.  It's like having new clothes! 

Let's be honest though.  Clothes are important, even necessary, but not the beat all end all judge of how healthy and fabulous you are.  Aside from my screaming joints and muscles, I feel good.  Almost normal.  I can workout and get my chores and errands done.  My weight and size really is just a reflection of getting the Cushing's under control and being on the road to having my health back.  And, like I said, that's run through the grocery store naked awesome.

Bottom line is that while I have about 10 pounds left to lose to get to where I want my weight to be, I've already gotten to fabulous.  I've already gotten to normal.  I've already gotten to me. 

I'm wearing size 12 pants!!!

One more size to go!

And yes, I am wearing my wedding rings!

It was a good week...

Hellooooo? Anybody home?????

Greetings from rainy Kansas City.  I hope I didn't worry any of you by being silent for a while here.  I just couldn't find anything to say.  I know, not like me.  I can usually comment on anything at any time.  But sadly not in the last week or so.  The good news is that there hasn't been any epic medical updates/setbacks, no ironic stories to tell, nothing bad really...except for the weather, but that's not for this blog...

Big news this morning was fitting into one of my old sports bras!   Yee ha!  And a men's size Large t-shirt!  The excitement never ends!  I have a few more pounds to go before I bring my old clothes up from the basement.  I can't even remember what I have anymore - it's been so long since I've seen what's in those plastic bins.  I suppose that just makes everything seem new!  No need to go shopping for a few years now.

I have also had a bit of good news.  I'm not going back to Bethesda until May.  I was going to make a trip in April too, but that got cancelled.  I'm trying not to take it personally!  I'm sure they still love me.  But the extra round of test results isn't needed so I'm home free until May.  While I'm there in May I'll have the added bonus of re-scanning to find the little rogue tumor that is still in me somewhere and wreaking havoc on my system.  This means that I'll probably not have the usual, well oiled, two day stay, and will be spending a good amount of time in the big tube sleeping while being scanned from head to toe.  It doesn't matter to me as long as there is a chance of finding the little bugger.

I'm feeling quite good these days.  My body aches in indescribable ways, but I just keep going.  This too shall pass.  I think this is the situation for which the phrase was invented.  Physical therapy is going well, and I continue to alternate days with those exercises and cardio at the gym.  One day I'll wake up pain free and with the strength and stamina of the old days.  Cuz that's how it happens, right???  Or is that only in my dreams....