The gym has always been my haven. My place to do things just for me. To feel powerful and able. To work hard enough to eat as many cookies as I want...guilt free. So just getting back in the doors was a huge accomplishment for me. I won't bore you with the gory details of my pride and self-confidence keeping me away. I don't have clothes big enough to wear now. And when I was at the gym last, even though it was almost a year ago, I was in great shape. What would all the regulars think when I came in looking like Shrek? And of course there was the fact that I was so weak and out of shape I didn't even know where to start. All ridiculous reasons to stay away from my favorite place and doing my favorite thing once Muffy started giving me my energy back. Did I mention I'm human?
My physical therapist, in putting me on that cool recumbent stepper elliptical machine thingy, gave me the confidence and the motivation to go to the gym and start doing cardio. Even if it's only for 10 minutes, at least I'll be back. So last Friday, I hoisted all my courage and put on the only workout pants that fit, and drove to the gym. I hopped on a bike (Well, not really hopped...more like hoisted myself...), set it at level 2 and started pedaling. I made it for 30 minutes! I would have done a happy dance, but my legs were a little wobbly. It was all I could do to walk around until the control of said limbs came back. Then I did my physical therapy exercises and called it a day. My legs were so tired, but it felt great to be working them.
I've been back to the gym every day since, doing my 30 minutes of cardio and my exercises. Hopefully soon my legs will be strong enough to not wobble afterwards! But right now it's baby steps. Not biting off too much, but still challenging myself. It's going to be a very long road back to where I was physically pre-Cushings. And I'm sure there will be mental and physical set backs along the way. But at least I'm on the road. In the slow lane, but on the road.
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