I wish there was something interesting to report dear readers, but sadly there is not. The overarching theme of my NIH stay is still hurry up and wait. Actually, you don't even need to hurry up. I'm just kind of hanging out and waiting with some injections, scans, meds and meals in between.
The MRI's that I've had so far has shown nothing, but we weren't really expecting to. They are just kind of insurance scans to be sure nothing crazy is going on...or crazier going on...anyhoo, nothing there. All the blood tests and 3 days straight of peeing in jugs yielded much the same results as I was getting over the past few weeks in Kansas City. So no new news there. We are still waiting for the doctors to read the three CT scans I've had, but I'm not super hopeful there. No real reason except that I have those CT scans every time I come here and they have never yielded any sightings of the mystery tumor.
Today I have the scan that might just break my case wide open. Of course I did have to sign my life away to take part in the test protocol, but if it finds something it'll all be worth it. Right now I'm fixated on the fact that I had to wolf down an early breakfast because I can't eat for 6 hours before the scan. Anyone who knows me knows that missing a meal is not high on my favorite things list. The only problem with getting my hopes up about this scan, aside from just your average run of the mill problems with getting my hops up after 3 years of disappointment, is that it'll be 24 hours before the doctors reading the scan meet with my doctors. That means no news comes to me until Friday night.
The enemy of positive thinking is time. Empty hours let the negative in to fester and grow until it consumes you. Mental exhaustion comes not from dealing with problems, but thinking about them. With dealing comes action. A process of moving through the problem and making progress no matter what kind or how minute. Thinking without control just puts your brain on a loop that it can't stop until it has to shut down. And when that happens nothing works. So here, I walk, I go to the gym, I go to the library and read magazines that I wouldn't look twice at in the checkout line, I binge watch shows on hulu I have no interest in under normal circumstances. So far I'm doing ok...until I run out of magazines...
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