So what does one do when one gets ejected from the NIH a week early and feels like an epic failure because the tiny little tumor residing somewhere in one's body refuses to come out and wave for the camera? One wallows. One wallows big and hard. And then one gets back to life...
I'm not big on self pity. Not that I don't feel like it sometimes. But it really gets us no where. It makes nothing better, solves no problems and likely makes us feel even worse about things than we were feeling before falling into a pit of darkness. It's not only unproductive but detrimental for those of us who truly believe that a positive attitude largely contributes to the overall health of the human body. And yet I have no problem with allowing for a short wallow period when life craps on you in such a pile that a bulldozer couldn't move the refuse. The key is knowing that wallowing doesn't help in the big picture even though it is a great way to get out the feelings of frustration and disappointment that can be overwhelming every now and again.
My wallows are usually confined to a designated day that has been pre-announced and planned for. Not a lot of planning is involved, but supplies must be laid in. Pudding and cookies usually, but for tougher situations nachos and/or pizza may be required. My chosen method of wallowing involves food, napping and snuggling with the pups. But others may go a different way. I've heard tell of crafty wallowers that immerse themselves in projects, cooking wallowers that create baked goods or new foreign dishes that their mate is "forced" to consume, and shopping wallowers that loose themselves in racks of hanging comfort. Whichever way you choose to wallow, I'm all for it. No excuses, no explanation. Just a time to do what you like and what makes you feel good. Something that you appreciate as a diversion while realizing it for what it is - a diversion from thinking about the really poopy situation you are finding yourself in.
I usually confine my wallows to a day. After that, I pull my adult panties back up and get on with life. Even though it has lots of warts and ugliness, it's my life. The only one I'm allotted and the one I have the power to dictate. I choose to remember that I am a lucky girl. I choose to remember that lots of people are dealing with situations that are so much worse than mine. I choose to remember that if I get mired down in negativity not only will life suck, but I will have given control of the only thing I have in this world over to circumstance. And I will not do that. If I need to consume pudding every now and again to maintain, so be it.
Wallow day was last Saturday. Pudding was consumed....
No comments:
Post a Comment