If it walks like a duck...

I decided to mix it up a little bit last week and add a couple of new things into my workout routine.  A couple of oldies but goodies that I haven't been back to for a while...

First on the list was revisiting Jenn's yoga class.  Let's be clear - I am not a huge fan of yoga.  Not because it isn't a really great workout, or because it isn't an incredibly valuable practice for any one's body and mind.  I'm not a huge fan because it's HARD and I SUCK at it.  Also, it used to be incredibly painful with hips that were rubbing bone on bone.  But without that last excuse to hide behind, there is no reason not to get back at it for a pride destroying workout.

With my personal expectation bar set as low as it could possibly go, I unrolled my mat as close to the back of the room as I could get without actually becoming a part of the drywall.  I thought I was bad before, but I've reached epic levels of badness.  The good news is that if I keep at it, the muscles that won't lift me to or hold me in the positions will come back and be fabulous.  The bad news is that I have to keep at it until then.  But as long as I don't fall on anyone else in the class, or sweat every last drop of liquid out of my body in a huge puddle in Jenn's basement, I should be OK.  That doesn't mean it's going to be a love fest - my relationship with yoga is troubled at best.  Even during the classes last week with my expectations set as low as I thought I could, I had moments when I was on the verge of tears.  How can I come back from being this far down?  And why should I?  It would be so much easier to just sit on the couch.  Would anyone blame me?  But then I'd snap out of it and remind myself that I want to get back to normal.  I want to be a stud.  I want to accomplish not settle.  It's going to be a roller coaster, but I'll stick with it.  There will be little victories along the way and those are what's going to get me through.  I don't expect the zen of it all to kick in for quite a while, but I'll be waiting...

As if my pride didn't take enough of a beating trying to wrap my foot around my head in yoga class, I decided to do the one thing that took even more courage - do a swim workout...in a swimsuit...in public!  We all know that swimming is one of the best workouts around.  No impact, great cardio, great muscle workout, but there are a million reasons I can find not to do it.  No more.  I need to get back in the pool and that's just that.  So I scrunched up my courage, put my body issues in the locker with my stuff, and went out to the pool at the gym with my goggles in hand.  I tried not to feel like a sausage stuffed into a casing that was just a tad too small, or like a 100 year old woman when I looked at the college girls manning the lifeguard towers.  If you're gonna do it, own it!  And off I went.

I ended up swimming for an hour alternating regular freestyle, kicking only, paddling only, and more freestyle.  It was a great workout and I did it.  I also planned on following up with lunge walking in the shallow end, but that space was being used by several young Asian gentlemen in speedo's and swim caps splashing back and forth in what kind of could pass as swimming.  Needless to say, I didn't want to disturb that. So I left the pool exhausted and a little noodle-y, but happy.  Happy that I made the effort to do it.  Happy that I didn't find an excuse not to go.  Happy that I didn't drown. 

Take it from me as you decide whether to go for that walk, bike ride, or maybe go to the gym.  I know you can find a million reasons not to.  God knows no one knows that better than me.  I can even give you a few reasons you haven't even thought of yet.  But do it anyway.  You'll be happy you did afterwards knowing you didn't give up on yourself. 

It's that time of year again...

Fall.  Well, maybe not fall, but the end of summer.  It's here again.  Kids are going back to school, parents are breathing a sigh of relief, vacations are being wrapped up and Halloween, Thanksgiving, and, yes, Christmas decorations are working their way onto the shelves of your nearest big box store.  I love this time of year.  It's always full of possibilities.  Full of excitement for what's to come.  And back to school clothes. 

I've changed gyms and now workout at nearby UMKC.  The students have flooded back with their 100 pound backpacks and their wide eyed optimism.  It's a nice environment to be in every afternoon as I make my way to the fitness center.  When you enter the campus you leave the politics, economics and personal medical issues of the real world behind.

I'm slowly building up my strength and endurance (yet again) just by keeping at it every day.  If I don't get to the gym I'll walk around the park or go for a long bike ride.  Things I couldn't do before having my hip replaced.  As I get stronger I feel more rejuvenated.  Expending energy is giving me more energy to keep going.  How's that for a self-fulfilling prophecy?

Unfortunately my Cushing's is still not cooperating.  One week my cortisol level is up, the next it's down.  The tumor is in control and my endocrine system is just along for the ride.  The good news is that my cortisol isn't getting anywhere near as high as it was when I first started my Cushing's saga.  Metty is seeing to that.  But the fact that the level can still get high shows that Metty is losing the fight when the tumor really wants to produce.  We have some options to add in additional toxic drugs to try to control the level of cortisol, but until the tumor decides to stabilize it's output we are working against a moving target.  Unfortunately the drugs can only work on the cortisol, not the tumor. 

So I'm just taking things one day at a time.  Some days I feel great, some days not so much.  But there are always those out there that have it worse than me even on my ickiest day.  I shall continue to plod along retaining all of my fabulocity and regal Princess qualities until further notice!  That much I can guarantee!